Five Months of Black

Five months today that Jay passed away. Since I arrived in Missouri I started eating and sleeping much better than ever before, I’m slowly starting to feel safe and smile again. 

It’s so good to hear my girls laughing and seeing them having a good time with their friends. And in five months it’s the first time I’m wearing anything other than black and feeling ok about it. 

I miss Jason everyday. Everything I do, everywhere I go, everyone I see... all reminds me of him and not an hour passes that I won’t desire with all my heart to have him here, even though I know it’s a futile desire. 

But now, immersed in the love, care and prayers of friends who are family, I’m starting to see the grace of God over me and my girls. And it feels like hope is springing amidst a Midwest American Autumn.